I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
