I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You're my little dorito
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
