you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
