Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
