Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
