When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
