he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
