The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
