This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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