just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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