this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
