I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
