You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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