I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
