On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
