birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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