Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
