I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
