They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
