I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
