these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He better not be in your backpack
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
