all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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