like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
