It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
