so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
