Where is the hickey?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
ok first of all what the fuck
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
