Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
