my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
