In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Green mimosas i think yes
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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