so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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