I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
