Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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