What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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