is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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