Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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