I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
