The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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