Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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