your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
