i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
