pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
