i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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