and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
