i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
