He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
