Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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