I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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