God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
