mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
