Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
