that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
