dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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