smell my finger.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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